5 weeks

     as of today, i have officially been on bed rest for 5 weeks.  i am 30 weeks now, which is so awesome, and we are hoping to go for another 6 weeks... not on bed rest but that they won't show up until then.  my doctor said that if my cervix keeps measuring the same by 32 weeks, he can lift how strict my bed rest is (please, please, please!)
      in other news, tj has graduated!!!!

you might be thinking "hey... wait a minute..."

    no, i wasn't able to go to any of his graduation shindigs, which made me really sad, but right after his graduation we had a doctors appointment, so i had to leave my house anyway.  i got dressed and both our families went to lunch at cheesecake factory to celebrate.  it was nice to be out amongst the living.  it was also strange to realize how much muscle i have lost in my legs, stomach and arms.  this photo shows one of the very few times i was standing up and i was feeling so weak that i welcomed a nice chair or bench.  after my doctors appointment i was so tuckered out that i took a 4 hour nap.  i have become a 90 year old man over night, well over six weeks.
    more importantly, tj is done with school!!!!  i am so proud of him because not only did he get his MBA but he was an incredible student and was very involved in the program.  about three years ago we were having a discussion about whether or not he should get his MBA.  we were looking at our different options and the many ways that one could receive the degree.  we came to the conclusion that if he was going to do it, he was going go full out, full time, quit job and move anywhere that we needed to go.  and he did it and it was an amazing experience for both of us.  now we have seattle, amazon and the twins in our future.  the future is looking bright and exciting.
      anyway, thank you for all of your prayers and service that you have sent our way.  keep those prayers coming, because i know that they have been a huge reason that our little guys haven't shown up yet.

let's talk about bed rest, shall we?

         as i was trying to google photos of women on bed rest, all i could find were these beautiful, smiling chosen vessels in cute pajamas that match, their hair done, make-up on and holding books like pride and prejudice.  well ok, that's what i'm going to give you.  when you think of me on bed rest, just think of me like this:

because this is exactly what i look like right now.
       so how did we get here you ask?  i won't give you the long drawn out story but after one week on modified bed rest, a couple of days stay in the hospital to monitor me and slow down contractions, some steroid shots to strengthen my little men's lungs just in case they want to show up early, i am officially on bed rest with bathroom privileges (i guess, for some of us, we get the privilege to go to the bathroom when needed, and for that i am grateful).
        the most important thing is that the boys are doing great, they are growing like they should and staying active.  the whole problem is me and my incompetent cervix which shortens and funnels when i stand, so as long as i stay off of my feet, we should be ok.
          normally when people hear about being on bed rest (me included before all these little shenanigans happened) they say "oh i would LOVE to quit my job and school and just lay around all day in my jammies and watch movies", and i don't blame them for feeling that way, but it is so much different than that.  the emotions that are involved with bed rest range from tired, bored, guilt if you ever have to get out of bed, fear, feeling trapped and the loss of independence has to be one of the most frustrating things.  the one thing that makes me lucky is that i've never had trouble being alone so i haven't been effected by the whole loneliness thing.  not yet, at least.
        this morning, as i was blog stalking and seeing what was going on in the facebook world (realized it was april fools day and vowing never to look at facebook on this day because it's just a bunch of unfunny april fools status') i also had to write my professors and let them know that i had to drop out of their classes, i went through a phase of frustration and a little bit of "poor me" crap.  call this what you will, cheesy, stupid, dramatic but Adele's version of  "make you feel my love" came on pandora.  i always loved this song as a song for someone that you're in a relationship with, but when i heard it today i thought of it from a mothers perspective to her children and it was exactly what i needed to hear to give me a more of the eternal perspective i needed and how much i love these boys and that i would do anything for them.  it made me realize how stupid i was being and made me love them even more.  i know that i'm a mom now and that sacrifices have to be made and you know what?  i'm feeling a lot better.  thank you adele.
            so there is your cheesy moment for the day.  so no one feel sorry for us, all i ask is that you keep us in your prayers because even though we are so excited to see these chubby little guys, we don't want to see them for at least another eight weeks.        

this is what 21 weeks with twins looks like

     so i caved.  here's a photo.  it's weird being a freakshow.  i had a bride and her friend blatantly stare at my stomach as they talked to me.  they wouldn't look into my eyes.  it was so bad that elise, who works with me, even pointed it out.
     we had our the big 20 week ultrasound last week and everything is looking great!  they are super active and doing really well.  here are the boy's profiles:

 

                                                           so fun!!   

and the winner is...

                                                                         SEATTLE!!!

                    yep.  that's where we will be living.  so here's the timeline, the twins will come in june and then we will be in seattle in august, pretty quick but we are so excited.  i was so excited that i had to watch this:

            i was really enjoying it and thinking about how cool it is going to be to live there and then i had a foreshadowing of what my future would bring.  i kept hearing the phrase "sleepless in seattle" throughout the whole movie and then i would feel the boys kicking and that is when i knew.  i was going to be moving to seattle and was going to get zero sleep.  i turned off the movie and took a nap right then and there.
            how are the boys, you ask?  oh, they're doing really great.  they're moving around, getting chubby and in the meantime making it so that i can't move around and that i start getting chubby.  that's ok though, i've been enjoying it.  the ultrasounds are awesome!  they like to kick each other and stand on their heads and it's so fun to see them move and watch their hearts beat.  i can't wait to meet them. 
            so, if you are feeling like taking a little vacation to the north west coast, you will have friends there with an extra room to stay with.  seriously, we will want visitors so start making plans.

why my mission was better than yours

ok... i don't really feel like my mission was better than anyone else's, but my mission was pretty awesome. if you don't know, i served in the nebraska, omaha mission where not only did i do the whole door to door tracting and teaching thing, but i was also able to serve at the winter quarters visitor center where i was able to become well acquainted with church history.
i was also able to become well acquainted with this man, bob smith. bob smith is the great grandson of Joseph Smith and if you're not familiar with who that man is he is the prophet who restored Jesus Christ's original church back to the earth. anyway if you have questions on that, give me a call and we can discuss. anyway, i love bob smith and i was able to get to know him very well and be there during his conversion. i love his story and he finally shared it. i want to share it with you now.

by the way, when you click on the link it will take you to page two.  scroll to the bottom of  the article and go back to page one. 


Meridian Magazine - Missionary Moment - Emma: I was Too Tired to go West - Page 2

decisions, decisions

this...

or this...

i think i already know what you're thinking, but it's not as easy as it seems.

tj and i are feeling really blessed, excited and a little overwhelmed. 2011 is kind of a big deal for us, not only are we going to welcome our twin boys, but soon after we will be moving to a new city. this week tj recieved an offer from amazon which would mean we would move to seattle. seattle!! what a cool city with tons of stuff to do. museums, restaurants, the ocean, and of course the high cost of living.
then there is the offer from walmart which would mean we would be moving to bentonville, where we lived this summer. small town, family oriented, down to earth people, beaver lake and one cheap flight away from places like florida and new orleans and of course the low cost of living.
so we are supposed to make a decision here pretty soon that will shape the course of our lives. (deep breath) but i'll be perfectly honest, i'll go anywhere. i think both places sound fun and i am open for whatever the future brings. i really think it will come down to whatever company tj wants to work for. anyway, i will for sure let you all know (all 2 of you) as soon as we make a decision. i love a new adventure!

well...

          that's right, two boys.  we are so excited!!  girls scare me.  i'm sure you're thinking "but you grew up with all girls alex and so did tj".  well girls are hormonal, drama, they cry a lot and i don't think that i can be sensitive to that, but if we have a girl after these two boys they can straighten her out. 
          anyway... there you go.  so freaking excited!!